2 mins of Stand up

I am looking for airline tickets these days. Ever traveled by Air India ? , Great food , Thankfully its not prepared by the airhostesses. I noticed that the air hostesses were not too happy about their job ( as most public servants in India). It was my first flight ever and looking at all the good looking hostesses (for other airlines) in those pretty suits at the airport, I was expecting nothing less from Air India, Alas !!! I spent the whole flight figuring out if the air hostesses were genuinely pissed off at me or if they were just born with that face .

Later when I traveled by Air France I spent most of my time thanking my stars; cause for a change I could do small talk and ask something to a pretty woman with impunity. “Please may I have some wine ?”. Let me tell you; to be served wine by a French air hostess is like … its like being served butter by the Amul butter girl, or given Lyril soap by the Lyril girl(s) … its like … well you get the point. French is such a sweet language so when the hostesses ask you "do you speak French or English" (In French) I want to just say "I didn’t understand a word of what you just said but please keep talking"

Flight delays are always irritating we have had many testing moments. Talking about anger, I was a short fuse when I was in my teens. So someone told me that should I get really angry at someone I should try counting to 10 before doing anything. So when some guy crashed into my bicycle I calmly counted 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 and then I punched him in the face.

Its all relative !!

Talking about marriages, all have been to atleast one. Many have been a let down for me besides the food, let me explain, there is a myth that goes around which states that a wedding is a good hunting ground for girls and some people I know have been to some of these weddings, Now seems like I have been going to the wrong ones, cause wherever I go its just annoying middle aged women who want to tell you how much better their sons are doing compared to you , really your son is so great? Nice, now where was that fork so that I can stab myself.

I think this myth about good hunting grounds has been propagated so that a lot many guys show up at the weddings so that they can be given some work. Weddings can mean bonded labor so sadly when indeed a good looking babe shows up you are running to the railway station to pick up some jerk who did not bother to read where the wedding actually was !!

Now one thing I don’t like about weddings is that there are so many people you don’t want to meet, it’s your long lost family and they are just devastated when you don’t recognize them, their face features change they start to shiver sometimes they start to scream. Oh I am sorry I was just one year old when I met you, it’s entirely my fault I can’t recall things from the time I didnt not know how to speak and did not eat any solid food. They just keep coming at you, I want to say “Excuse me are you Angelina Jolie? Then I am sorry I don’t recognize you”, you say we met 2 years ago in a market in Dadar; too bad I was looking at some better. I mean come on what’s with the recognition. To a "Do you recognize me?" question I feel I should reply "You look like a human". Of course I don’t actually say any of the above I just smile and take a wild guess ; Aunt from Solapur, No ? Oooh you look just like her, it’s a hit or miss but is worth a shot. If it’s a hit you just saved 10 minutes of your life, now if its a miss then you have to listen to this huge story as to why I wasn’t able to recognize him/her and why I should come over for lunch at their place so that next time,( God forbid !) I am able to recognize them correctly. I don’t get it, what’s the problem in a small introduction, that way anyone who really doesn’t know you acts as if he does, you will think that he actually remembers you. See, both are happy.

I have noticed that in a wedding half the people are worried if there is good food and enough Ice Cream and the remaining half is worried if someone else is going to show up wearing better clothes than them, the first are the guys and the latter are the women. The bride and the grooms family just want to make sure that the people eat. The most asked question in a wedding is Did you eat? That’s what the parents from both sides are asking everyone “Did you eat?”, “Did you eat?”.

Now we always have some family members who are more close to us than others; say one of my mothers cousin may be closer to us that another one , but maybe the other cousin rarely met you. You talk more to the ones you know better. The other one doesnt like it. Also ever notice that some members are way better to talk to and be around than others it’s like they are from another planet. There is so much variation I think that why the name "relatives" was coined cause it’s all relative.